9.25pm, 9/27
i would like you to disappear, you irritant.
thank god im not so pissed. but still pissed.
5.45 pm, 9/27
right now, i feel like putting a bullet into your fucking head.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahaha
im sorry, stella.
life is really bad, its infact getting worse. im at a loss now, nearly the first time in my life i feel really clueless as for what to do. all i do everyday is sigh and sigh, but im determined now to make my life better. perhaps it will take some time. even here, isnt a good place to blog about this. i guess i can only find my only hearing aid in los angeles. i just hope things get better. i will make it better! i just feeel insecure, very. like any moment, someone is going to take something away from me. like... just take away. like all of a sudden, i feel very uncomfortable. yet there isnt anything that anyone could do, or anyone that wanna do something about it. all i can do, is to hope and pray that things will turn out fine. that me and stella can just do well, for a long period of time. this relationship given me too many things, i think im afraid that things will go out of hand if anything happens to it. *****
i hate you even if i dont know you. maybe i shouldn't. i dont know.
im finally in LA area. drove all the way down from san frans area to los angeles with stella. thats like 6 hours drive at least. i almost died of exhaustion. well, seems like when you dont have a car you want a car, and that when you have a car you are just too lazy to drive it. oh well, at least i know i am dead lazy to drive. its just so tiring ...
i moved half my stuff. met up with prassy boy and jeffry. i feel so glad to see them... its like they are a big part of my life in america, its like they are really nice buddies to hang out with. you know, i really appreciate their companionship when im in the LA area. and tyo? you go to UCLA to watch DRAMA huh wth! i remembered you telling me.. stuff like ( stop watching drama ). HAHA look who is talking. sometimes, i cant help to think that you follow my foot step at times. hahaha! stupiddd. who knows one day you will get attached, soon enough. HAHAHAA! boy2 no need to study. funfair2 better jancok!
well... back to the story. this past 3 days, many unpleasant things happened, but thank god everything is over. today i sent stella to the airport to see her off. though we didn't get to spend much time together, i still appreciate the effort that you made by listening to me though you know what i said was gonna destroy the whole atmosphere. haaaa, im pretty evil huh. i know we dint spend much time, but i hope next time things will get better.
joyce.. err you asked for pictures? i dont have much pictures.
but well... i gotten a lot fatter.
well i'll just put one here. hahaha the rest i shall keep it in my computer.
well and yesterday me tyo and jeff went out together. a long day indeed... ate at curry house ( the japs can really cook ) and then i went to getty center. its like... really a nice place. too bad i dont have the pictures with me yet.. its a nice place and all... but WHY AM I WITH JEFFRY? omg. it just doesnt make sense. hahahaha its the right place with the wrong person.tyo and i almost died hearing him singing. hahaha and then.. i;m always grumbling and grumbling about stella to jeffry. hahahaha, Z, it seems like i nv change huh.
honestly speaking, sometimes i wonder what would things be like in the future. i really wonder.. like me and stella. we were just aqquaintances who din't like each other at first sight ( at least i felt that way ) and then now we are lovers. ok love is blind. im blind then. haha. i hope life gets better everyday, but i know its impossible. thats why god gave us food so that we can feel happy after eating. well, at least i feel that way . im so tired, its already 4 and i have my bloody orientation in san diego ( 2 hours drive ) away from where i stay now. im so dead tired and maybe afterwards, i will drive back like... to pleasant hill. i hope prasetyo comes along too, oh well. see how it goes thenn.
aah im dead sleepy and addicted to this song from leehom. haiiii.
